After he promises me a fairytale, then what? After he knocks me down, then what? After he tenderly whispers those three tender words, "I love you", then what? After he swears never again will he beat me down, then what? After he viamently illustrates the game is up, then what? Do I believe the web of denial I've wrapped myself in, do I continue to choose drown at the bottom of a bottle, or do I surrender with integrity and grace that ? Everyone has a grip on something. Everyone is entitled to believe their own description of the definition behind what their truth is. My whole life I've been tired of wishing. My whole life I've exhausted smoke breaks. My whole life I sought serenity at the bottom of a or at the expense of a....(you fill in the blank and it's probably correct). Today, I am not searching for the "John" I know;I am searching for the Lauren I know I can be. My experience is my heart doesn't have to stop working the minute they close the curtain. A choice, today. A decision,today. An awareness, today. An action, today. The reason I share this is because if there is any man or woman mending a heart that has endured self-inflicted pain, know this: the end of the road has arrive and the breach towards freedom is the next breath of air you shall take in. It starts with choice. You are your own best advocate. You go to bed with you at night. You look at you in the mirror. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. It doesn't end with a kiss, it ends with bliss.
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