wow! {sigh} i'll be okay.

...the worst part is knowing it's over, the best part is knowing I'll be okay.

Which way do I turn when love is gone?

The existence of the past plagues me. Moments turn into days long lost. Tears evoke waves of pain. The brim of possibility appears seeminly distant. Despite the gloom of yesterday, when I slow down and take a look around a breath of perspective consumes me. Love is not permanently gone. Love comes in varying forms, from varying people. Love has no rules, knows no limits, and comes from many different avenues. Love of self always must come first. I must share this brief story. YESTERDAY, I was driving with a friend and she explained to me that when I gather some self-esteem I'm going to be a bitch. A healthy bitch though! Is that possible? Well, anything is possible. At this point in the game, I've realized that life has no limits as long as I continue to stay prayed up, keep the faith, and even when life shows up....never stop the growth. Wow! {sigh} I'll be okay.

this is GLAMOROUS

TODAY, with tear-flled eyes and a heavy heart I gazed into the eyes of the woman who tolerated me when I was intolerable and distorted. TODAY, I laughed over a full cup of coffee with the woman who breathed life into me, again. TODAY, I knelt down and gave thanks to the man upstairs who contines to love me even during those moments where insecurity and a lack of self worth dictates the image in the mirror and the direction my thoughts turn. RIGHT NOW, empowerment overrides all those past notions of the distinction between the definiton of grace and the feeling of grace. RIGHT NOW, this is truly GLAMOROUS.

John Doe

After he promises me a fairytale, then what? After he knocks me down, then what? After he tenderly whispers those three tender words, "I love you", then what? After he swears never again will he beat me down, then what? After he viamently illustrates the game is up, then what? Do I believe the web of denial I've wrapped myself in, do I continue to choose drown at the bottom of a bottle, or do I surrender with integrity and grace that ? Everyone has a grip on something. Everyone is entitled to believe their own description of the definition behind what their truth is. My whole life I've been tired of wishing. My whole life I've exhausted smoke breaks. My whole life I sought serenity at the bottom of a or at the expense of a....(you fill in the blank and it's probably correct). Today, I am not searching for the "John" I know;I am searching for the Lauren I know I can be. My experience is my heart doesn't have to stop working the minute they close the curtain. A choice, today. A decision,today. An awareness, today. An action, today. The reason I share this is because if there is any man or woman mending a heart that has endured self-inflicted pain, know this: the end of the road has arrive and the breach towards freedom is the next breath of air you shall take in. It starts with choice. You are your own best advocate. You go to bed with you at night. You look at you in the mirror. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. It doesn't end with a kiss, it ends with bliss.